When Steve and I started attending a reformed church soon after we got married I remember thinking there was something different about the service that I couldn't put my finger on. Of course it was more liturgical than what I had grown up with, but that wasn't it. The pastor wore a formal robe, but that wasn't it either. I finally figured it out when we sat next to a family with three small children one Sunday and all of their children were sitting in the row with them! The simple difference was the noise of people having their children sit in church with them for the entire service. It wasn't loud and obvious (most of the time), but there was definitely more general noise.
Now that we have two small children of our own I can fully appreciate the benefits and the hard work of having our children in "big church" with us. I should disclaim this by saying that I'm not an ogre about this concept. Matthew, at one year old, currently goes to the nursery during worship for many practical reasons. Ethan, however, is 2.5 and sits through the whole service. Matthew will get there, and it will probably be before his second birthday, Lord willing. But why do we bother? Why should the church encourage us to bother bringing these little ones into worship with us?
Think of your dinner table. This is where your children learn basic manners. They learn how to converse and interact with others. They learn not to put their feet in their dinner plates (oh, yes). More than that, they are fed. They are sustained and grown with people who love them, with people who model the very behavior they are supposed to strive for. I know very few parents who would send their toddler to a room full of other two-year olds, tell them to play with their food, and then expect them to love sitting at the dinner table when they turn 12. It doesn't happen. Further, I know very few parents who send their children to eat in a separate room away from the main meal because they are messy or loud or an inconvenience to everyone else.
And I really believe worship is the same way. A friend of mine once told me that when you keep your children in church from a young age they don't learn to hate the service. They learn to get involved in it. I can tell you that when my son hears the opening notes of "Come Thou Fount" or when the offering plate is passed, or when the pastor asks us to stand and sing the Doxology he is excited, he is joyful! When we say "amen" he says "amen!" when we say "Praise the Lord!" he shouts "Praise the Lord!" It is a wonderful thing, and exciting to watch. Getting him to sit through the sermon is, of course, more of a challenge. And like every other day of his life involves constant, consistent discipline from his dad and I. I'll admit there are Sundays that I don't hear much of the sermon and we spend a lot of time in the ladies room. But I believe that God is honored in what we are doing with our children during worship and He doles out the appropriate levels of grace as we need it.
Ethan does go to Sunday School prior to the service and he has a wonderful time there. But Sunday School is not the meat of Sunday. It is not where the meal is served. When he was a young baby and I was visiting my parents while Steve was on deployment, I attended their church for a few Sundays. They have special notes in the bulletin about not bringing children under a certain age into the service, and ushers are there to escort you out if your child makes a peep. I didn't place much importance on it at the time, but thinking back it makes me sad. It makes me wonder if children ever ask themselves why they are not welcome during the "real" worship of their Most High. The fact of the matter is that we are all messy, loud, obnoxious sinners. We all put our feet in our dinner plate sometimes. And God has allowed us all, through his Son to come and worship. May we all have the joy of the two year old that says "Praise the Lord!" at the top of his lungs when we come.
**There's a great post on the practicalities of having your children in church with you here.
Number 1) I do plan on writing about our big move and our new home sometime soon; it has been a real whirlwind around here, but I had to get some other thoughts on paper first.
Number 2) I don't like to disclaim my posts, but I will say that none of this is a condemnation of others' choices. I just get to thinking and then I decide I need to publish my thoughts because I'm a glutton for punishment I like the feedback and discussion.
Recently, I had the chance to catch up with a good friend over the phone and we talked about a lot of things. Of course, the topic of children came up (as it always does with us girls!) and I mentioned that I wished I had started having children earlier than we did. The discussion meandered from there, but something struck me and I ended up having an involved discussion with my husband about it later that evening. What has been eating at me was the notion that young married couples, or newly married couples need time "just to themselves" before they have children.
Here's the deal: my husband and I didn't start "trying" for children until we'd been married for just over two years. Our reasons back then were mostly financial, but I think for me, the idea of having kids right away did not even enter my mind as a responsible thing to do. And then it took us two years to have our first child. We basically had four years to goof off as a married couple, doing what we wanted, when we wanted. It was a wonderful time for us, but it did leave me with one big problem that has been exasperated in my "childbearing years": selfishness. And aside from physical factors like wishing I had my early twenties self to chase my toddler around, my development of selfish habits and ways of thinking is the biggest factor in wishing we had our children earlier on in our marriage.
Of course having children straight away into marriage is a radical notion that raises a lot of eyebrows, even Christian eyebrows, who also would acknowledge that children are a blessing from the Lord. Why the contradiction? Something my husband pointed out to me is that the main reason God makes husbands and wives into one flesh is to raise Godly offspring.
Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. --Malachi 2:15
Thinking on this really got me. If my main purpose in life is to glorify God, and his main purpose for my marriage is to have Godly children for Him, then what was I doing putting this off for my own reasons? Even if those reasons sound totally reasonable and not at all selfish?
So I really wonder why this sentiment of having children soon after being married became regarded as irresponsible or crazy, even by evangelical Christians. Have we bought into the world's way of thinking that we better pack as much fun as we can into our years before kids, because when they show up the fun is over? And if we do think that way, what kind of attitude are we going to show to our children when they are here? Are we going to be looking for "me time" and "date nights" away from our kids because that is what we need just to tolerate them on a daily basis?
I don't have all the answers, because I struggle with my own selfishness daily. I just want to read one more blog before getting Ethan his snack. I just want them to nap a little longer so I can finish what I'm doing. And oh, remember when Steve and I were able to just go out on our own and I didn't have to worry about what I would wear that was easy for nursing, or what time to be home because the baby-sitter has a curfew?
The problem is that God sent us these children and they are a joy to him. He delights in them. He uses them to sanctify us women (1 Timothy 2:15 - one of my favorite verses!). And when I put off that sanctification in the beginning of our marriage in order to "have more fun" or "get to know my husband better before the hard work of children comes", I think I really missed something in God's Word along the way. And, of course, I say this now as someone who did have, what I believe to be, a misunderstanding about what my ultimate purpose is in life. I do want to goof off with my husband, I do wish sometimes that it didn't take half an hour to get out the door to do the simplest of errands, but God designed this for me. And it is so amazing that he entrusted these little souls into my care. So why was I putting it off?
I'm not a legalist, I don't think that people should never use birth control to manage the size of their family. I do think it is about intention and what someone's heart is telling them. My favorite non-biblical quote on that issue comes from a Credenda Agenda article that I read a long time ago (which is really fabulous, you should read the whole thing!):
So if a Christian couple have bought all the current propaganda, and they are diligently limiting themselves to 1.2 children, then they are allowing the current false assumptions of the world to dictate to them how the Bible is to be read. But if another couple know that children are a blessing, and they use birth control in order to "space" their seven children, I would be hard pressed to say that this was an example of some kind of compromise. A man can have a high view of apple trees and still not plant them a foot and a half apart in his orchard.
Anyway, all that from one phone call with a friend! Hopefully she doesn't mind being my jumping off point! ;) And it's not all her fault, I've been reading this lately that also got me contemplating about how I'm raising my kids and where I need to grow.
I think the next post will be a photo tour of our new home. Pretty easy and no real thinking or controversy involved, except maybe my husband's exasperation at having to move that big painting again because I just want to see what it looks like on this other wall.
This looks so serene. In reality, Ethan was vigorously giving me five before saying, "Down! Down! Down!" and squirming his way off the couch. Then I discovered the wet spot that Matthew left on my shirt from I'm not sure what bodily fluid.
I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I have two kids, but looking at this picture makes me feel so blessed.
I don't normally blog on Sundays, but as a mommy who just had a very challenging morning, it was such a blessing to see this on my blogroll when I came home from church today.
