Last night, Steve and I were running some errands it was quiet in the car and I was thinking about how tired I felt. I then thought about my dreams of having a big family and disciplining all of the children we might be blessed with and classically homeschooling them and most of all, growing them up to love the Lord. I think at some point I just remarked to Steve out loud, "It's going to be hard to homeschool our kids." He said, "There's no doubt about that," and we arrived at our destination and I started thinking about what kind of chair we were going to get from OfficeMax. :)
Anyway, I have been thinking a lot about the sheer amount of work it is going to take to raise the one child I have on the way, and then the thought of having a quiver full is quite daunting, honestly. I want so many things for my future children and all of the things I want take a lot of work. I know those of you with kids are probably thinking, "well duh, Jodi!" and it's not as if I haven't thought about all of this before, it is just that now all of the work is coming closer to being reality, if that makes any sense. My struggle with these thoughts is that I have always been sort of a tired (maybe even lazy! gasp!) person, and hard-working is not a way I would describe myself. So, I worry about being motivated and able to do all the things I have in my head that my kids will need from a mom.
So today, I was reading the blogs I normally read and over at The Dominion Family, I found this little gem:
At one point in the conference Andrew said that the opposite of rest is not work but rather restlessness and I think that sums up the conference rightly. Rest is not a lack of work or order. We don’t find rest in homeschooling by giving up order. Order helps us achieve rest. Work helps us achieve rest. Restlessness involves anxiety. “The lesson of modern education is anxiety.” The solution to anxiety is acceptance and repentance.
A light bulb went off in my head when I read that...the opposite of rest is not work! It makes so much sense to me and what I've been struggling with in my head regarding my own laziness and disorganization. A concrete example of how this would apply to me is that, sure, I can put off cleaning the kitchen and let dirty dishes pile up, but I wouldn't be at rest just because I wasn't working on cleaning the kitchen. I would feel restless about the mess until I took care of it. And, yes, disciplining and educating my kids is going to be constant work, but I will feel more at rest (or at peace, or content) to know that I am doing what needs to be done, rather than have wild, unruly, uneducated children. :)
After thinking on all of this, I will have to remind myself (daily or hourly as the case may be) that I feel more at rest cleaning the house than I would sitting on the couch watching TV!